* Ability to eat staggering amounts of kibble, frequently with minimal production of cat-barf.
* Proven interest in harrassing owners and destroying furniture.
* Effective communication skills, particularly when hungry.
* Accomplished lard-ass, dedicated to development, performance, and appreciation of gluttony.
* Penchant for cat-crack (colloquially known as "cat nip").
* Leadership ability, capable of motivating and directing others to become unbelievably frikin' irritated, especially in early-morning hours, when she scratches your face to get more food even though you gave her an assload of food just five hours ago and she's still partially in a food coma that lard-ass.

EDUCATION:

School of Hard Knocks, Eugene, Oregon. Lived in trailer (with about 30 or 40 other cats) for first year of life. Had some kids. Went to the pound and got picked up by a young couple, 1998.

Summer College for the Bountiful Feline (Fat Farm), Portland, OR. Majored in Weight Loss Studies. 1999. GPA: 0.5.

EXPERIENCE:

Eating Machine, at home, Eugene and Portland, Oregon. August 1998-. Responsible for remarkable feats of consumption. Tasks include eating, sleeping, clearing alimentary tract of superfluous junk, and then eating. And eating.

Cabinet-Opening Skills, at home, Portland, Oregon. August 1998-. Able to open cabinets to access cat food and "auto-feed" at any time. Earned considerable praise from owners.